Why do we strive to be the ideal partner… even for ourselves?
Have you ever found yourself thinking that since you know how to take care of yourself, you should do it flawlessly? Always be understanding, motivated, and patient with yourself – because if you’ve committed to a relationship with yourself, you should know how to treat yourself with love at the highest level.
This is one of those sneaky traps we rarely recognise. After all, self-love – by definition – should be associated with gentleness, care and acceptance, right?
Yet, many women become their own… harshest critics in their relationship with themselves.
Do you know what I mean?
Even when you decide to be kind to yourself, perfectionism kicks in. And this can be particularly insidious when directed towards oneself.
Instead of allowing space for mistakes, it demands that you “do everything just right.” But that’s not what being in touch with yourself is about.
So, why does this happen?
You might not know that perfectionism has various faces. It is generally perceived as the pursuit of high standards.
However, according to Canadian psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett (authors of the book *Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment*), perfectionism takes on three forms:
1. Other-oriented – when you demand too much from those close to you.
2. Socially prescribed– when you feel the pressure of others' expectations.
3. Self-oriented – when you become your own harshest judge.
The third type is the most common trap in the relationship with oneself. Hewitt and Flett emphasise that its source is not only ambition but primarily the fear of rejection and inadequacy, feeling of not being enough. This voice whispers: “If I’m not perfect, I don’t deserve my own acceptance.”
Yet, a GOOD RELATIONSHIP (INCLUDING WITH YOURSELF) DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION. IT REQUIRES PRESENCE.
It’s AWARENESS that allows you to care for yourself – not just in moments of success but especially when things get tough.
How can you start – today?
- Ask yourself a different question:
Instead of “Is this perfect?” ask: “Is what I’m doing enough for me – here and now?”
- Acknowledge your efforts: Allow yourself the right to take breaks, stumble, and come back.
- Practice small gestures of kindness towards yourself: It could be a smile at your reflection – even in the car mirror – or a warm cup of coffee enjoyed without haste.
-Forgive yourself. Before you forgive others first forgive yourself especially for judging yourself too harshly give yourself unconditional love
Exercise for You:
Write down one sentence you would like to hear from someone close to you today. Then… say it to yourself.
It could be something as simple as:
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I’m glad you’re here.”
Discover the Power of Self-Love Affirmations
To further support your journey of self-love and break free from the chains of perfectionism, consider exploring our Self-Love Affirmations available on our website. These affirmations can help you cultivate a deeper sense of acceptance and compassion for yourself.
By integrating these affirmations into your daily routine, you'll find it easier to challenge the perfectionist mindset and foster a more nurturing relationship with yourself.
Remember – you don’t need to be perfect to be important. You are important just because you exist. You are a miracle !
Allow yourself the grace to be human, and recognise the value of your journey.
With Love
Luna
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